Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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