Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
