I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize