I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
