Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
