she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
