I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
