I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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