So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
