I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Soap is not a condiment
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
