I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
