are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
