My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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