clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
