I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
