i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
