Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
