It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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