$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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