Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
PANTIES FOUND
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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