the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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