I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
