I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
