my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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