he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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