I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
