I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
