life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We have started to decorate penises.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
