What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
