I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
