Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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