Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
