I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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