i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
