Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
