Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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