but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm always down for nudity.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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