I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
