Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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