Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
