i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
