You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
