I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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