i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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