Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
