I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
