...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
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