You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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