So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
