where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
