Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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