I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
