he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
