the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
