guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
