words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My bed smells like the plague
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
