He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Girls should come with a carfax report
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
