now i know why i became what i already was.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
