Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
