Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
