I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
