i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just want to make out with him forever
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
