i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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